It's a Bad Day Archives - Page 2 of 7

Terribly Mixed-Up

March 9, 2010 by Maren 10 Comments

I’ve lost my memory card with last week’s pictures. GRRRRR. Sadly, with me it could be anywhere. My mind is to scatterbrained to leave anything where it belongs, e.g. The car was searched last night for the memory card. In the car, I found: a trophy, an alien kid’s toy, 5 ketchup packets, a balloon, a spare set of keys to my car, and 2 pennies. I’m working on organization…starting next week (ha!).

So, while I’m frantically searching my life for this little memory card, I’ll leave you with a funny story. Warning: it’s a tad bit crass. If you have a kid reading over your shoulder, and you don’t wish to define a couple of crass anatomical words, you may wish to come back later. Both uses of the words were said by mistake & it’s real life-which is why I’m blogging it. Here goes.

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I recently was pleased with myself about something. Michael, in response and in jest, was quick to deflate my excitement. I was trying to say “Don’t rain on my parade” but mixed in the phrase “Don’t steal my thunder” to retort, “Don’t rain on my thunder!” We laughed about my mistake then reminisced about a time when Michael’s mistake was far greater.

Michael was preaching a sermon and tried to tell a story about someone who was excited. He meant to say either “He lost his mind!” or “He went nuts!” But instead, it came out as “He lost his nuts!” The predominantly older congregation missed the hilarity of the statement. But the younger crowd around me enjoyed a snicker-fest.

There was also another sermon where Michael made up a word to describe Zaccheus being short in stature– ‘wee-ness.’ Yeah, that one didn’t quite come out as he expected. I’ll skip the pronunciation. You figure it out…

…All of the above instances bring me to this video. I laugh every time I see it. Not just because of what is said, but the FACE that the man makes shortly after he realizes his mistake. Oh, how I would have loved to be in the service that day!

We’ve all had those times in which we have misspoken. I think my WORST was when I walked into the exercise room of a hotel. I meant to encourage the lady who was diligently exercising with, “You look like you’re doing what I need to be doing!!!” But instead I insulted her with, “You look like you’re doing what you need to be doing!”

Do you have any funny embarrassing word mix-ups to share? Or a time when your mouth unexpectedly has gotten you into trouble?

The Smartest, Dumbest Idea

February 1, 2010 by Maren 6 Comments

About a month and a half ago, I embarked on an adventure. One I thought just may be the most brilliant thing anyone has ever done. I wanted to prove all the naysayers in my life wrong. Bottom line: It was ME who was wrong.

I hate to clothes shop. Partially because I’m never satisfied how I look. I could collect buckets (GALLON BUCKETS) of the tears I’ve cried in dressing rooms over the years. Really. I HATE TRYING ON CLOTHES. It’s depressing. My life story of trying to find clothes goes like this:

#1 I go into the dressing room thinking I’m going to look like an ad in VOGUE.
#2 I come out feeling more like a hippo trying to cram all its fat rolls into a size zero.

So, right before Christmas, I had saved up a month+ of clothing budget money, and decided I was going to do something brilliant–something non-traditional in the clothes buying realm. I bought a huge (40 piece) CUSTOM lot of ‘trendy’ clothes on Ebay. I sent the seller all my sizes and she went to town getting my custom lot together. I was so excited. Again, the false sense of VOGUE illusionment crept into my mind.

The package arrived in the mail; HOUSTON, was there ever a problem. Many of the clothes were so tight that if I posted them, I’d get reported to human decency gurus. Really. I tried to get the courage to post one…but settled on this one (this was one outfit that the seller put together): One modest enough to post, but one that I could hardly envision someone seriously wearing out in public!!!

Now, to the seller’s credit, it wasn’t a total wash. Of the 40 items I bought, 10 were doable & wearable. I really like about 5 pieces of clothes and 2 of the necklaces. As I type this, I have on an Ann Taylor Loft sweater from the lot. I also wear a pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans often. There are a few items I really do enjoy.

Mom, you were right. I won’t be doing that again. That was the Smartest, Dumbest idea I’ve had in a while. But at the same time, I don’t regret it. I had the money in my budget to spend, and if I hadn’t gone on my little shopping spree adventure, I’d have always wondered if ebay was the solution to all my dressing room woes. I’ll cross that off my ‘great idea’ list and settle, once again, for the more traditional approach. Anyone have any gallon buckets I could borrow?

The Weeds that Morphed

May 22, 2008 by Maren 1 Comment

Until last year, I didn’t understand the hard work that a garden requires. It takes patience, care, more patience, preventative maintenance, reactive maintenance, more patience, a little bit of bug spray, and a little bit more patience. Once you do all this, you can enjoy the fruits of your labor (bad pun intended).

It was our first attempt at a garden as we planted 3, 4 foot square boxes of yumminess and waited for its fruits. We learned a lot along the way. We learned about the Squash Vine Borer who feasted on our beautifully large squash, the cucumber, and the watermelon plants until they were no more. This year we’re picketing the invasion of such a pest…with a fence (another bad pun intended with a pinch of sarcasm). We also learned that bugs also like cabbage AND that cabbage takes up the entire box once it’s grown. I don’t even like cabbage that much anyway. The hole-y plants ended up feeding our hungry compost pile, not our appetites. We learned a ton, but what impressed this city girl most were the efforts that go into a garden and the patience that it requires to come to fruition.

FLASHBACK: 4+ Years ago. Michael was a youth pastor and had organized a mud volleyball game at a church member’s house. He owned a large area of land: some was rented out to farmers, and a small area was used to grow a stash of his own produce. This man graciously permitted the youth group the opportunity to ruin a section of one of his fields to play mud volleyball.

Enter Maren. I was driving to the mud volleyball game in the coolest car known to man. The car that made Michael the catch he was in college and was the ultimate factor that I fell in love: Michael’s 1988 two-toned blue Ford Aerostar minivan WITH A HITCH (for hauling farm wagons). THE BOEHMMOBILE. 100% Class, BA-BY!

Now, keep in mind, I’ve lived in the city my entire life and was driving this monstrosity through the suburbs of Indianapolis on my way to the volleyball game. I made it safely and with ease. Parking was limited because we were, after all, playing in a field– so I offroad-ed to the parking destination. I found the best place to park and moved into position, right over a patch of weeds. A patch of weeds that were meticulously growing in a row. Weeds that the church member had planted in hopes of later eating as STRAWBERRIES. Strawberries that I mistook for weeds.

To my humiliation, I apologized profusely. I never lived it down either. If I knew then what I know now about garden difficulties, I would have groveled at this man’s feet with apologies. I’m so thankful for his graciousness. I bet the next growing season he probably fenced out the largest pest of all–myself.

A Welcome Back Gift

May 15, 2008 by Maren 7 Comments

Everyone appreciates a gift from a loved one, do they not? The consideration that goes behind a gift makes the recipient’s heart flutter with twitterpation, knowing that someone does indeed love them. That’s why I was pleasantly surprised at the gift I received upon my return to Indianapolis last weekend. It was a gift from someone who must have missed me greatly, Officer 412.

My husband usually does the driving, but we drove into downtown Indianapolis in two different cars. I parked and fed the meter (thanks to the generosity of Laura because I only had a nickel and penny in my possession). We met my dad at the food market downtown where I ate a Cubano sandwich–quite possibly the best sandwich I have ever eaten. While I was completely enjoying this 100% of pure tastiness, mouth-watering love-of-my-life-with-the-exception-of-Michael sandwich & unbeknownst to me, Officer 412 was standing beside my car penalizing me for enjoying my sandwich to such a great degree.

With a smirk on his face, and the meter not yet needing to be restocked with quarters, he gave me the gift below. Please examine it closely and see the REASON for which he decided it was needed.

I would like to make an effort to say that there of plenty of SUVs, Hummers, Vans, Jeeps, & Gargantuan Vehicles that are FAR bigger than my little car that stick out WAY further than mine does even if you take into consideration the distance I was from the curb. This information, however, was insignificant to the officer 4.1.2. who had a smirk on his face as Michael approached the meter shortly I had been gifted. ‘Bless-his-heart’ Michael was returning to the car to make sure we were okay on our meter time. Apparently FourTwelve had just given us the ticket because he was still standing close to our car issuing another gift to another ‘too far from curb’ individual. Michael asked, “Do you give out a lot of these tickets for this violation?” 412 replied, ‘Listen sir, if the car is more than 12 inches from the curb, then they’re in violation.” End of conversation.

I think Officer 412 needs a gift to let him know that someone appreciates him. Apparently he hasn’t received one in a LONG time. But believe me, it will NOT be from me. I’ve already given him $20 as a thank you for the gift that he gave me.

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