It’s no secret that Thatcher has struggled this year with kindergarten.  Academically he is doing well, but he struggles each morning to go to school.  Once he’s there, he likes it fine.  But the process of getting there is often tearful.

A friend recommended The Kissing Hand as a book dealing with separation anxieties, and we have enjoyed it. Since reading the book to Thatcher, each morning I’ll kiss his hand as the mom racoon does in the book to help her son deal with loneliness at school.

While the hand-kiss each day has helped, it is a handwritten note that has made the most difference–either from Michael or me. Every morning, he makes certain that a note gets in his possession before he leaves. I am convinced that if he had no note, he wouldn’t even get in the car to go. Some days he’ll even tell me what he wants the note to say, “Mom, make sure to write I will always love you on it.” I oblige. If he’s bringing his lunch, the note goes in his lunch box. If not, it goes in his pocket.

 

I really wasn’t planning to do it every day, but it means so much to him that there’s no way I could NOT write one. We started on the first day of school and based on the importance of that simple piece of paper, we will continue until summer arrives. On the initial day, he surprised his teacher with his ability to read the note out loud to her.

Sometimes, the little folded paper message falls from his pocket and the worn creases make it very apparent that he’s opened and refolded the note many times that day. While I realized it meant a lot to him, I didn’t recognize just how much until this past week at parent-teacher conference. His teacher, Mrs. Kelley, mentioned his daily messages from home and the comfort they bring. I fought back tears when she continued to explain that sometimes my tender-hearted Thatcher will sit under the playground’s landing and will read, savor, then re-read the note from home. He gets so distracted and absorbed in the note that she has to remind and encourage him to go play with his friends. And then he runs off to play.

Later, back at my house, my mind drifted to the lesson that can be learned from Thatcher’s eagerness to receive our message of love. He craves a love note every day, yet haven’t I received just such a note from my Heavenly Father? Like Thatcher, do I carefully read, reread, and savor the life-giving words written within God’s Word to me? Am I relishing God’s message so much that I’m distracted enough to pay no attention to life’s surroundings?

Or conversely, are life’s surroundings distracting me so much that I pay little attention to His Word? Certainly convicted, I thought of one more amazing thought. Unlike Thatcher, I never have to ask, “Make sure to write I will always love you,” Because my Father already has done just that.

Wide. Long. High. Deep is his love for me. And I hope to be just like Thatcher as I study my message from Home.

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Many know the verse well.  Nearly 20 years after his brothers sold him into slavery, Joseph speaks to his brothers and offers a heart of forgiveness and compassion.  So how did Joseph come to a point where he was willing to look past the hurt and say, “…BUT GOD intended it for good”?  How could he so readily forgive?  How could he see the big picture after being hurt?

It is imperative that we look at Joseph’s focus.  His focus during his life trials was definitely not inward.  He looked past himself, past his hurt and grief, past his brothers’ ill intent, and he believed that God had a better plan.  And because of his trust in God —not focusing on himself  and what his brothers deserved—he was able to willingly and lovingly forgive. What a different picture Genesis would have been if Joseph had been self-centered and allowed his brothers’ malicious intent to destroy him or crumble him to a bitter mess!

By human standards, Joseph had every right to hold onto his bitterness and anger towards his brothers.  But how would God have used that?  The outcome would have been far less sweet.  Despite his hurt, Joseph submitted to God’s ways and was able to develop a heart of forgiveness.

As I reflect, I wonder—is this my response when people intentionally or even unintentionally hurt me?  How would my life change if this were my response to all of life’s challenges.  “Yes, this hard situation is happening, BUT GOD.”  How is he using that situation in my life, and how can this cause me to surrender to him more?  How will I let him receive glory through this difficulty?

And then a greater example, still, can be found at the cross of Christ.  As the people stood watching, and the rulers sneered at him, Jesus selflessly asked God to forgive them.  “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”  Jesus looked at the people intentionally hurting him, both physically and emotionally, while they were in the process of hurting him, and offered forgiveness—willingly, lovingly, and wholly.  What if Jesus hadn’t been focused on doing the will of the Father?  I guarantee you his response would have been more along the lines of “Father, provide justice. Give them what they deserve.”

In the kid’s class I was teaching at church recently, I had some friends bring in their caged birds.  As an illustration, I opened up the hatch and told the birds they could fly free.  The birds, of course, stayed inside their cages.  Isn’t that like us?  Jesus has set us free!   He’s given us freedom to forgive because of His example and His death on the cross.  He taught us how to be Father-focused and not self-focused.  He opens the door to us to experience freedom, to be forgiven, and then to radically forgive.  

Yet, we stay in our cages, bound by sin and unforgiveness.  And we miss out on the abundant joy He freely provides!

Forgiveness leads to a life of joy! I pray that as I feebly attempt to model the life of Christ, others may see the joy in my journey.  And when I am hurt, be it intentionally or accidentally, that I will be able to focus not on myself, but on WHO can bring good from it.  

And as a result of my overflow of love and forgiveness, I pray that I may also say, “God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

 

 

 

**I wrote this blog post for my church’s website, and it can be found here.

I wish for just a minute I could bottle up these days, and replay them in a few years. The craziness is, well…crazy, and I wish I could step out of my life for just a few moments and participate as an observer. I know if I don’t journal these days, I won’t remember. So, I’m going to give an update on each kid and allow this to be my ‘bottle’.

Pierson-Turned 7 last month. He has lost his 4 front teeth after I convinced him to let me pull each of them (within about a month time span). Each of them were dangling in his mouth until I could finally convince him to be brave. He is finished with Kindergarten and had a very good year, enjoying school and excelling in his class. I’m thankful he loved it as much as he did. Every night, we share what we enjoyed most about the day and more often than not, school won the spot for the best part of his day. He is my creative kid-his wheels are always turning and he’s always inventing something in his head or concocting a plan.

Thatcher-5.5. He is reading very well, and enjoying it. He loves to tease-and finds humor in many things. He loves to hear jokes and repeats them over and over again. (Note to self-increase my joke repertoire ASAP!) Humor comes naturally to him and has to be told to stop laughing when situations should be serious. He loves taking things apart and I never know what appliance may be dismantled if I’m away. We’re working on picking up the screws he finds while dismantling things so #4 doesn’t eat them again. He loves to help his dad out in the yard or his grandpa (Bunk) when he comes for a visit.

Sterling-3.75 Sterling is a lot of fun! She brings a lot more drama to the family than the boys, but I do loving having my girl. She loves doing ‘schoolwork’ and is getting great at coloring, writing, and drawing. She wants to be like her brothers and keeps asking when she can go to school. She likes to go to the grocery with me and enjoys being a helper. She has recently been showing more interest in helping the twins do things and can be found mothering them in a gentle way.  On the opposite end of the spectrum, she equally knows how to push every button (and I mean EVERY) of her older two brothers. Earlier in May, she had to have an MRI for eye issues that she has been having. We were given a good report and are now waiting to see if the situation resolves itself on its own in few months.

Anders- Anders turned 2 on April 20. This little one loves anything that has to do with hats, keys, sunglasses, shoes, crackers & cookies. Lately, he’s even been sleeping in his hats! Recently, he brought a key to church-he held tightly onto it until the nursery workers convinced him to put it in his pocket during church. If I had a word for him, it’d be ‘endearing’-He is just such a sweet kid. He is terrified of animals- including the chickens which he informs me with a tilt of his head, ‘sickens scae-odd (chickens scared)’. Then there is also a greater fear of the neighbor’s cat, and of any dog. He loves to grab things from his brother and take off running, with a ornery glint in his eye, laughing along the way. For their birthday present to me, both boys potty trained and made this momma so thrilled–I despise changing diapers and am beyond thankful to have 5 kids out of diapers!!

Merritt- Merritt turned 2 on April 20. This little one knows what he wants and vocalizes (aka screams) if what’s happening isn’t going according to his plan. If I had a word for him, it’d be ‘determined’. The way he scolds his brother when a toy has been stolen with a slurred “Shay-ah Annerss (Share Anders)” makes me smile when I think about it. And when he’s mad because he’s not getting his way and he tilts his head sideways, pouts with his lower lip protruding, but keeps an eye on me out of the corner of his eye. I can’t help but smile while feeling exasperated. While he is so fiercely unwavering in what he wants, he is equally as unwavering in his love. He wants to be as close as possible to me and if I don’t hold him just how he wants, he crawls on top of me to make sure he’s as close as possible. And can my lap be available to any of my other kids? I think not! I have coined the word “Merrittism” for this kid. Definition: The belief that you are the only child, when in reality you have 4 siblings! Hahah.

I’m thankful for this journey and am thankful for each of the 5 kiddos God has entrusted to our family. While fully embracing the crazy life that 5 kids entails, I am also trying to fully embrace that these are the ‘good’ years and doing my best to bottle up the memories to cherish always.