A few years ago, Michael and I went through the darkest time of our lives.  Without going into detail, it was a time of questions, hurt, & despair, but God was so evident during those times.  I have recently found a notebook that I kept from around that time, and was grateful for some of the comforts that He provided then.  I can remember at the beginning of our struggles, God particularly provided this song—offering so much comfort during that especially bleak time.  What a reminder that although pain comes, GOD IS FAITHFUL.  During that time,  a valuable lesson was instilled within me that was hard for me to grasp until that time (…being the People Pleaser that I am): People will disappoint me, and that’s why my faith has to be in God alone.

 

1. Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

4. Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

 

Singing this song, at the time, made my tears flow endlessly, YET COMFORTED ME.  Looking back, I’m thankful for what happened.  God’s hand was evident even through our struggles and He remained faithful, and always will be so.

Shortly after this, we made a trip to Guatemala.  It was there, that God STRONGLY reminded us of His faithfulness in providing encouragement from the most unlikely place.  We had many Guatemalan pastors and pastors’ wives pray for us and the church that we hoped to plant.  During that trip, I clung to this song which was such a needed blessing at just the perfect time.

You are the rock of my salvation.
You are the strength of my life.
You are my hope and my inspiration.
Lord unto You will I cry.

I believe in you, believe in you.
For your faithful love to me.
You have been my help
in time of need.
Lord, unto you will I cleave.
You are the rock of my salvation.

I’m thankful that my old notebook provided this special reminder today.

All the time, He is GOOD!  Praising Him!

It’s a pretty safe assumption that you’re slightly over dramatic when you have this dialogue with your husband…

 

Maren: My toe hurts (have a small minor sore).  Oh yeah, how’s YOUR toe (he broke it last week)?

Michael: Oh it’s very sore, and hurts terribly (has not mentioned it hurt since he broke it).

Maren: Well, then why don’t you complain?

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Stewardship & generosity—I struggle with the balance!  My goal in life is to be a generous person—truly it is.  It does, however, come with great difficulty and terrible mental angst since we’re on a very limited budget and have an insane goal of getting your house paid off ASAP.  We’re trying to save in all areas to pay the house off as soon as we can—One way this is demonstrated is by my crazy low grocery budget, of which people laugh when they’re told of the measly amount.  But, by the looks of me, I’m not starving.  Now Michael—debatable, but I get fed plenty.  (The last sentence is a joke…please do not send food!  Haha!  Michael is fine.)

 

Now to the generosity part—I do realize that generosity is not all about monetary items— it can be given through time, resources, assistance, etc. as well.  But for now, I’m writing in reference to generosity in regards to money.  I love to give gifts, but often times, the money factor will inhibits me from giving as I would like.  Recently, I’ve been to the store to buy a couple of gifts.  Without even working hard to hit a limit, $50 bucks was spent on random gifts that the receivers will probably end up ebaying or regifting (maybe that’s an exaggeration, but people like what they like…both of these gifts were from registeries, so hopefully this won’t be the case).  I still have more gifts to buy.  So, rather than happiness filling my heart with the opportunity to give, dread creeps in with thoughts of money disappearing from our extra house payment.  It’s definitely a struggle!

 

I realized yesterday, though, that it can all be put into perspective, however, when a friend of mine is having to spend literally HUNDREDS of dollars to be in another friend’s wedding~ my recent struggle is so much smaller in comparison!

 

It’s just one more lesson that I’m learning:  happily giving generously while simulatneously being a good steward. This Scrooge is working to find the proper balance!