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The MINI Cooper Minivan

June 29, 2010 by Maren 9 Comments

Main Entry: fud·dy–dud·dy

Pronunciation: \ˈfə-dē-ˌdə-dē\

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural fud·dy–dud·dies

Etymology: origin unknown

Date: circa 1904

: one that is old-fashioned, unimaginative, or conservative

I am a fuddy–duddy.

In high school, cool teenagers place all mothers in a stereotypical mold. To a teenager, a mother has too many strict rules; crosses her brow too often; never lets you have any fun; and drives a minivan.

As a college student, our perception of mom changes. The child becomes grateful for the mother’s sacrifices; better understands why her brow was crossed often; yet she still drives a minivan. In college, you also swear you’ll never be THAT mom (you know: ‘the minivan one…’).

Yesterday, I became THAT mom. Kicking and screaming, I entered into the world of AMVOOA (Anonymous Mini-Van Owners of America.) Yet, somehow, I don’t think I’ll be able to anonymously drive something down the road that (in my mind) is about as honkin’ as a semi.

It’s funny how our perception and reality adjusts as we get older. ***Spoiler Alert: This is my “I-acknowledge-that-I’m-a-terrible-person admission of the day.***Prior to having Pierson, I saw dirty kids in the grocery store and swore I’d never be THAT mom. My kids would ALWAYS be clean and well groomed. HA! It doesn’t matter how often I change Pierson’s clothes (sometimes several times a day), he still looks like I dragged him through the dirt cycle of a washing machine, if there was such a cycle. My new standard: He’s clean if there’s about a dime-size spotless area on his outfit.

After all, Newton’s First Law aptly applies to my child. I think it goes something like this: Every (messy) object in a state of uniform motion stays in motion until it lands on Pierson’s shirt.

I’ve given up caring.

Our reality definitely shifts–I know mine has. I’ve become more understanding of mom’s with scraggly-lookin’ kids, and have given up my judgemental ways. So, the next time you see a messy kid in Kroger, smile. I promise the kid has been bathed recently. And the next time you see a lady driving a minivan, don’t judge. If she’s anything like me, she’s probably imagining she’s driving a Mini Cooper and is still cool. So, you should too.

9

May 19, 2010 by Maren 8 Comments

You know you’ve been married A LONG TIME when you buy yourself a vacuum for your own anniversary present and you plan to use a gift card (that was given to you at Christmas) to go out to celebrate…And that’s just how you like it.

12 1/2 years ago, I met my best friend. And my life has been better since. At that time, my roommate insisted that Michael was “THE ONE” for me–I’ve always thought it was funny that she knew first. He stole my heart, 1988 two-toned blue Ford Aerostar and all. Today, Michael and I celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. I’m still in love with God’s ABSOLUTE BEST for me, and I couldn’t be happier.

Thanks for being my knight, Mr. Boehm. I love you.

Doesn’t the last picture make you laugh? It’s a true sign that we’d just gotten out of the nineties…

Duh-Aha Tips

May 14, 2010 by Maren 18 Comments

These tips aren’t really to teach you anything. You probably already know them. I’ve recently thought about OBVIOUS tricks that took me FOREVER to learn around the house and kitchen. You know, the kind where you think, “Why did it take me so incredibly long to do this?”

1. Throw fresh ginger in the freezer and it can be used forever. (Well, maybe not forever, but a lot longer than the moldy green stuff it turns into in the refrigerator.)

2. Throw lemon peel in the freezer and user it for zest later or first make the zest then put it in the freezer (though I’m too lazy for option#2.)

3. I recently started keeping blow dryer plugged in next to my bed. After showering I go lay back in bed and blow-dry my hair. Why did I not think of this eons ago? It’s fabulous.

4. I’m sure 99.9% of people in the world do this. BUT I didn’t think of it until about 3 years after I was married!!! Cold water can be run over pasta to speed up the cooling process. I feel so dumb to admit this one. *tucks head in shame.*

5. I got tired of cooling HOT baby food by blowing on it. I now stir it with an ice cube for just a couple of seconds!

6. Label the tops of spices and throw them in a basket. BEST spice organization EVER because the ease of use sure beats the typical knock-over-every-single-other-spice-to-get-the-one-you-want method!!!!!

7. If a recipe calls for super fine/caster sugar, don’t buy it. Just pulse it in the blender for a few seconds.

8. If your gravy is lumpy, throw it in a blender. But make sure to avoid a blender explosion by blending in small batches and using a towel to cover the blender when blending anything hot. Been there Done That–Got the T-shirt and the burn; Thanksgiving 2007.

8. Aspirin is great for diminishing unsightly acne on one’s face (I may or may have used this remedy this weekend for a couple of ugly blemishes that made my mouth look like the Joker’s!). Right before bed, just crush a tablet up, mix with a tiny bit of water, and apply a very small amount to the gargantuan embarrassment. In the morning, it will look a ton better, I promise! Helps take away the redness and works like a charm. If only I had know about this one in high school when my whole face was a zit.

9. Use a behind the door shoe rack to store miscellaneous baby items.

I am embarrassed about how messy this is…but it is very handy for baby medicines, baby hats, baby socks, lotions, etc. etc.

10. Freeze chicken breasts in individual baggies so you don’t have to cook the entire package of meat. I know, I know…Another DUH one…this took me several years for me to figure out. I went to visit my friend in Massachusetts, saw how she did it, and had my chicken-freezing-AHA-moment. Also, I’d always get irritated about how THICK the chicken was. It took me about 7 years into marriage for me to realize that was the purpose of a meat tenderizer.

Do you have any DUH-AHA tips that took you a while to figure out…And that you’re not to ashamed to admit?

It was the best of Jokes…It was the worst of Jokes

May 7, 2010 by Maren 4 Comments

For the past couple of weeks, I have worn my wedding ring with a slit in the shank. My ring has recently had a one-on-one with the jeweler and as a result, I’m now ‘in-the-know’ about all things ring related.

Less than one month after we were married, my husband and I took our church’s youth group on a missions trip. While there, the love-struck teenage girls fancied that one of the youth sponsors had struck up a relationship with a man she had just met. I brilliantly(?) concocted a plan for a little practical joke. I lent the lady my engagement ring with hopes of announcing to the the googly-eyed teens, in grandiose fashion, that the man had proposed! And she had accepted! It was a great joke. The girls bought the story hook, line, and sinker–and screamed as only as high school girls have the capability of screaming.

Well, then the joke was on us. It got stuck on her finger. Nothing would get that thing off…we tried soap, oil, string tourniquet, water, ice, elevation, a night’s sleep, YOU NAME IT. That ring was not budging and the lady wanted the ring off of her finger! A trip to the emergency room and a little snip snip, and my ring looked like something like you’d buy out of a $.25 machine–A ring with a slit right down the backside.

And, LOVE HIS SOUL… Wanna know my patient husband’s response to the whole fiasco:? “I understand Maren. It’s just you.” Probably one of the first few clues as to the extent of the mess (me) he’d gotten himself into. And one of my first clues to the extent of my dear husband’s patience.

Thankfully, the jeweler appreciated my joke and soldered my ring for free. And for nine years, I’ve enjoyed a good story and life’s merriment. Until last week. I suppose 9 years of abuse caused it to split again, and so I hiked my split shank and little ‘ole me back to a jeweler. In 30 minutes, the ring was fixed, polished, and once again pretty! Special thanks to Fast-fix in Louisville, KY for helping me (and my ring) feel whole again! WHOOTWOOT!

*Object in the picture is smaller than it appears. 🙂
** Before you ask, I have large knuckles and those balls are ‘ring sizing balls,’ sit in the fat of my finger and keep it in place.

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