On a recent trip to Ohio, we stopped at Walmart to purchase a few groceries before making our final stop at my in-laws.  Being pregnant and feeling 60 weeks pregnant, a stop to the bathroom was in order.  While I took care of business, Michael and the kids waited outside.

Right in front of the restrooms were the “Have You Seen Me” posters with missing children’s faces.  While I was busy, my boys had many questions to ask Michael about why the pictures were displayed.  Michael did his best to answer their questions.

I returned from the restroom and we started on our way to shop for groceries.  Not far from the restroom, Thatcher turned back to me and asked, “Mom, were they sad?”

Confused, I probed for more details.  “Thatcher, was who sad?”

“The parents of the children on the missing children board. Were they sad when their children got lost in Walmart?”

Needless to stay, he didn’t wander too far from the cart.

Which way should the toilet paper hang? Should the lid remain up or down? Do you forget to replace the toilet paper? You don’t realize when you say ‘I do’ how much of a big deal the toilet really is– Marriage arguments around the world hinge on the fact that spouses aren’t conforming to the proper etiquette of the toilet seat. So, maybe it would be a slight exaggeration to say that a toilet seat SAVED my marriage, but only a wee bit. And may I at least share that several areas of our longstanding toilet contention have been resolved by a simple toilet seat?

Now, I fully understand that it must be rite of passage in one’s life when a toilet seat receives so much fanfare…it’s a true sign of that I no longer rank among the ‘cool.’ And if it’s a toilet seat that makes me admit this glaring fact, then so be it. And for pity’s sake, please don’t tell another soul that I now start conversations with any new house guest as such, “So, did I tell you I got a new toilet seat?” I know my life is lame but I recently reached the pinnacle of exasperation from all the sprinkles and tinkles caused by a potty training two-year-old. I broke. That is, I broke the bank and bought the Cadillac of toilet seats. Yes, I’m no longer cool and I no longer care.

In our marriage, there *may* be a slight role reversal in the traditional argument where the wife becomes exasperated with her husband for not putting the lid down. In our union, it is *quite probable* that the husband puts the lid down more than the wife *cough* (I’m talking about the top lid here). And when I DO remember to close the lid, it *may* just happen to be more of a slam which adds to the irritation of my very patient husband.

I recently hired a marriage counselor to help with the predicament. The marriage counselor actually was shaped like a brand new toilet seat and came right to our house, sat on the john, and has not left since. It will be a permanent fixture for quite some time and let me tell you, our marriage has never been better! Ha! Again, I know it’s a sign of my 34 years on this earth, but I don’t care–it makes our family harmonious and quite frankly, there’s something to be said about harmonious new toilet seats.

With this toilet seat, there’s something for all ages:

• For the husband who hates the slamming of the toilet seat (when and if I remembered) there is now a gentle whisper close feature.
• For the wife who got irritated about boys splattering/spraying over the walls, floor etc, there’s a built in toddler toilet seat!
• For the wife who couldn’t stand the smell of the padded toilet training cushion seat, this here’s the Cadillac toilet training seat–complete with a magnet which keeps the kid’s toilet seat attached to the main seat when not in use.
• And for the husband who hates the fact that his wife always forgets to put the lid down, because of the whisper close feature, our boys argue to be the one to put the lid down.

On all accounts, score! I only wish I’d splurged a little sooner on this here gem!!

And if you are in the middle of the potty training years and want harmony in your marriage, may I suggest the Bemis 1583SLOW Elongated NextStep White SLOW Closing Potty Seat? Here’s the link on Amazon.  Your marriage will never be the same.

In marriage, I’ve found the secret of receiving the response of “Anything you want, dear.”
Here’s the formula:

2 years of home renovations
1 very pregnant momma, feeling larger than a rhinoceros
+ AC problems
_____________________________
“Anything you want, dear.”

Try it!  I guarantee that it works.  I know from experience.

Today, I’m thankful for such a hardworking husband and a couple of nice & shiny kitchen appliances that are on order due to this formula being executed.  Thanks, dear!