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My Beef with Allrecipes

June 12, 2012 by Maren 6 Comments

Allrecipes.com and I are BFF’s, right after my VBFF’s Google and Facebook. Please don’t misunderstand that I’m appreciative of the fact that I’m always only a mouse click away from scrum-diddly-umptious. But, may I share my beef with allrecipes? It’s not actually with the recipes themselves; it’s the users. The ratings crack me up. Let me give you an example.

Let’s say I’m on the prowl for a standard peanut butter and jelly recipe. After finding just what a pregnant belly is hankering for, I click on the reviews to make sure it’s worth my effort.

Example recipe:
Peanut Butter and Jelly
2 slices bread
2 tablespoons fruit preserves, any flavor
2 tablespoons peanut butter

Spread one side of one of the two slices of bread with preserves. Spread the remaining slice of bread with peanut butter. Form a sandwich.

What it would look like if a reviewer actually followed the recipe:

source

Simple enough?? Well, then you have reviewers who are just plain dumb but think they are Emeril in disguise. Their reviews look like this:

This recipe was awful! It was terrible to my fine taste-testing, exquisite palate. Here’s what I did to make this better: First, I don’t like bread. So I substituted 1 pound of uncooked linguine instead and boiled it per the instructions on the box. Then I drained well. Next, I needed more protein than just the peanut butter allowed for, so I added 2 chicken breasts, cooked and cubed. Well, then, chicken and peanut butter aren’t very compatible to my extraordinary tasting skills, so I omitted the peanut butter altogether. Then I added one jar of Alfredo style pasta sauce to moisten the noodles because there was no longer any peanut butter. Finally, I added some fresh parsley because I decided to skip the preserves and needed some fruit or veggies with this meal, which the preserves originally provided. But, all in all, this recipe is awful! I don’t know how anyone could rate this 5 stars! But with my simple changes, this came out fabulous, so I rate it 5 stars!!!

What the reviewers actually made:
source

And there you have my life’s greatest pet peeve. Beef. It’s what’s for dinner.

Uno Dos and the Photo Invader

March 8, 2012 by Maren 4 Comments

For this story to be twice as funny, you must first understand that most of my married life, I’ve endured my husband impressing people with his U-Scan Spanish abilities. By that, I mean, he learned all the Spanish he knows from the U-Scan, and he’s not afraid to use it! He’s been known to choose the Spanish option just for its educational value, but once almost paid for 22 limes instead of the 2 in his cart. At Mexican restaurants, he frequently impresses the waiters with his 100% legitimate (Michael-ized) Spanish, complete with the accent and all! (I may or may not hide under the table while he shows off his mad U-Scan skills.)……………WELL…the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…

This past weekend, my dad and mom took the boys to McDonald’s. My mom was trying to catch a picture of the action. But, it’s a hard enough feat to get both boys to even LOOK at the camera; much less get both boys to smile simultaneously. Nearby, there was a little Indian boy who was photobombing her pictures. With each attempt, he’d scoot closer to be posed with my boys in the picture. She first took this picture, still struggling to get everyone to look her way…

But it was then that my two-year-old, turned to the little Indian child and pulled one of his dad’s tricks. He looked right at the Indian boy and said, “UNO DOS”. And mom captured the reaction.

Can you tell he’s proud of his mad U-Scan Spanish skills? Like father, like son…

Hitting the ‘D’ Key: A Lesson in Disguised Obedience

February 21, 2012 by Maren 3 Comments

Pierson loves to ‘type’ on the computer. I decided it would be fun to let him type and print a message to Michael. He couldn’t contain his excitement and pride as he typed the message to his daddy. One by one, I modeled which letter to press and watched impatiently as he typed the message. His little fingers pushed the keys, albeit too hard and very slow. Sometimes, multiple letters were pushed in the process, and often the right key was pushed so hard that it duplicated a single letter many times. I used the backspace more times than I could count.

A simple message of “I Love You, Daddy! Pierson” turned into a crazy patience lesson for this mother. A twenty-letter message took longer than some authors take to write a book, I’m sure.

I pointed to the correct key and instructed Pierson, “Hit the D key.”

His little hand came smacking down on the computer.

“PIERSON!” I scolded, “Do it gently; don’t type so hard!”

His reply? “Mommy, I hit it!” Pride was in his voice. It was then I realized that my instructions had been followed 100% as he’d literally carried out my instructions to hit the D key.

For me, Mothering is a daily lesson in patience and also a good reminder that sometimes obedience appears contrary.

Mumday Monday

June 6, 2011 by Maren 1 Comment

After pouring himself a few Cheerios, Pierson looked sincerely at Michael and said, “Daddy want one?”

*Please pardon the toothbrush, Thatcher’s bottle, and hair curler. Don’t judge.

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